Microsoft’s Xbox One reveal was nothing short of an unmitigated disaster. Not only did they avoid addressing any of the major complaints, questions and controversies surrounding the next gen console, but they failed to effectively communicate the potential of the machine. The actual technology, along with video gaming in general, was totally glossed over in lieu of pitching the box to people who don’t play games, the same people who generally aren’t watching an Xbox reveal conference at 10am on a Tuesday. Apart from all that, the feigned excitement and general soulless nature of the whole affair was off putting. We swear if I have to hear the words exciting or TV ever again I’ll blow my brains out. Anyway, to celebrate, here’s mxdwn Games’ Hall of Shane Top 5 Lame Things About the Xbox One:
1. Games are linked to your account
You can kiss goodbye borrowing your friend’s games and buying used ones. Xbox One games will be installed on your machine and then linked to your account. If a friend borrows your game and tries to play it he won’t be allowed to unless he pays for it. If Sony opt to leave out DRM from the PS4 console, as they have indicated they will in the past, a fast friendship between PlayStation and Gamestop could kill the Xbox franchise entirely in a matter of years.
2. No Backwards Compatibility
No big surprise here. Your Xbox games and Xbox 360 games will not play on the Xbox One. The reasoning behind this is simple. By restricting the function to play the actual disks but allowing customers to download digital copies from the online store, nostalgic customers will buy games they already have. Say what you like about the WiiU but at least it’s backwards compatible (and has a rich archive of classic Nintendo titles available online to boot).
3. Always Online
According to Matt Booty, who is not a Beyonce back up dancer, in an interview with Adam Sessler, the One will be a predominantly online console. Booty is deft at answering questions in a manner that answers the question but avoids the core point. Booty says you can use the Blu-ray features and some game modes when not online but sidestepped the accusation that single player games will need internet to play. We hope you’ve got good broadband.
4. Mandatory Kinect
God damn I hate the Kinect. I hate using it, I hate looking at, and I hate what it represents. It’s not fun and the more Microsoft tell us how fun it is the less convinced we are. Now the piece of crap is mandatory for your console to work. You’re going to be talking to yourself all day from now on and it’s not going to be cool like Star Trek it’s going to be lame like talking to yourself in general. It’s worth noting the new Kinect is far more responsive and looks like it could be really interesting if used properly but we doubt anyone will. Roll out Kinectanimals One.
5. Always Watching You
Your Xbox will always be on, waiting, watching you through the Kinect, listening to your breathing…just in case you want to play suddenly in the middle of the night.